Daycare :(

Well, I'm lying here in bed dreading waking up in the morning because tomorrow we are dropping Logan off at daycare for the first time. I have no clue how I'm going to get through the day. Yes, I know he'll be fine, but I don't know that I will. I realize I should feel lucky that I get to spend the summers at home with my little man, and I do... but it doesn't make it any easier.

This past week, Logan has been clingier than ever, hanging onto my legs whining "mamama." Does he know that Mama will no longer be with him every second of the day? Maybe he senses that change is coming as I squeeze him a little tighter and rock him a little longer at night. Will Logan feel like I am abandoning him? Will he be confused why I don't want to spend all my time with him anymore? I have been telling him every day that I have to go back to work, but that I love him very much and will be so excited each day at 3:30 to come and get him. Maybe it would help me feel better if he could understand what I am saying...maybe it would make things even worse.

I know Logan will do well at daycare, and I know once I get into my routine that I will be ok. I just hope I don't miss too much of his life. He is already growing up so quickly. Will his teachers get to witness his first steps instead of me? Will his grandparents get to hear him saying some of his first words? Part of me just wishes I could work while he sleeps so that I don't miss anything.

I do not want this summer to end. I have had some great summers, but none have even compared to this one with my 9 month old bundle of joy. This was our first summer together, full of giggles, playdates, singing, books, swimming, and lots and lots of cuddling. I know that I will have many more amazing summers, but this one will always hold a special place in my heart.